Growing in Unexpected Places
Difficulty is something I've been thinking about lately. The struggle is real in so many ways isn't it? The pressure and weight of the difficulties in this life are enough sometimes to push us down so far that we feel buried underneath the weight of it all. I have felt this before, as I'm sure each of us have as we face our own personal struggles both big and small. We might feel like we can't breath and most definitely can't see the way out on our own. I think this place of feeling stuck in a difficult situation is one of the hardest places to be. It is hard. It is scary. It is uncomfortable in so many ways.
There are several difficult situations that come to mind where I have felt this way. One of those situations was at the beginning of this summer so it is fresh on my mind. At the beginning of June of this year I found myself looking ahead to a summer taking care of our three kiddos on my own while my husband Dan was away working in Missouri. We were also facing some difficult decisions regarding our son Caleb who is on the Autism Spectrum. Daily behavior struggles with running away (elopement) and hitting were also major issues at this time with Caleb. I remember sitting in the car about a month before he would be leaving and crying because I could not help but think about the potential struggles that these 4 months of parenting on my own would bring (yes imaging the worst). I started to picture the toll this would most likely take on me without many opportunities for relief. It was a lot to take in and I will admit I was scared and slightly angry. I really did feel like I had been buried in a pile of potential struggles and to be honest, I was not happy about it and every part of me wanted to find a way out.
Isn't that our natural inclination though when we sense that a storm is a brewing or a proverbial hurricane is on the way? We want to run, get out of there, do damage control and protect ourselves. Little did I know what God had in store for me. Looking back now, it makes me smile and I can honestly say I am so glad there was no way of getting out of those 4 months.
I continued in escape mode for a few weeks. Little by little I felt God nudging me. These nudges felt like He was reminding me that He is in control even in this situation that seemed so overwhelming to me and that I had two choices: I can either go through these 4 months kicking and screaming or I can look to Him for what I need on a moment to moment basis and see what good might come from this adventure. It took me a little bit, but eventually I was able to pry my grip off of the hopes and dreams I had of a "care free summer" and grab hold of the Hand that was reaching out to me.
I was still in the same situation I was before, same struggles but with God I came to a place where I accepted where I was and stopped fighting it (except for the occasional internal tantrum). Things did not get easier, struggles remained, but I felt God reworking me on the inside. I felt Him helping me to let go of things I couldn't control and trusting Him instead. I felt Him teaching me to take responsibility for what was my responsibility. Over time I recommitted to taking care of myself physically with working out and eating healthier. I realized that I didn't need someone to help me make time for me, I needed to make time for what was important to me. I learned to fight for what was important to me. I felt God strengthening me when I felt the most weak. Refining, shaping and growing me in ways I never saw coming.
When we are in a situation that feels as heavy as lead weights placed on our shoulders, it is uncomfortable and like me we often want OUT as fast as possible! For anyone going through something that feels impossible right now, I see you. It is hard. It is really hard. Sometimes it feels unbearably hard. But I want you to know as you are in the midst of your situation, whatever it may be, that although you may feel like you're being buried under the weight, this is not where this part of your story ends. Like a seed that has been hidden for a time, pressed down into the dirt, surrounded by darkness and appearing to be trapped - that is not how it ends. As the seed receives all that it needs from above it begins to change, to grow and eventually it rises again stronger than it ever could have been as a seed. It is now a tree. With God in you and with you and for you there is so much more to this part of your story that He has planned. This is where part of your transformation happens, bringing out in you more of all that you are meant to be. It wont be pretty, it wont be easy, but you can guarantee with God it will be worth it.
You amaze me as you face the hard things. You amaze me as you trust God more and more for all you need. You amaze me as you grow into more of who God made you to be. Seeing you as you come out of the ground strong, new, having endured the dark - I am right there cheering you on! Keep growing friend, keep facing those dark places. With God you can do this!
"You know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4 NIV
There are several difficult situations that come to mind where I have felt this way. One of those situations was at the beginning of this summer so it is fresh on my mind. At the beginning of June of this year I found myself looking ahead to a summer taking care of our three kiddos on my own while my husband Dan was away working in Missouri. We were also facing some difficult decisions regarding our son Caleb who is on the Autism Spectrum. Daily behavior struggles with running away (elopement) and hitting were also major issues at this time with Caleb. I remember sitting in the car about a month before he would be leaving and crying because I could not help but think about the potential struggles that these 4 months of parenting on my own would bring (yes imaging the worst). I started to picture the toll this would most likely take on me without many opportunities for relief. It was a lot to take in and I will admit I was scared and slightly angry. I really did feel like I had been buried in a pile of potential struggles and to be honest, I was not happy about it and every part of me wanted to find a way out.
Isn't that our natural inclination though when we sense that a storm is a brewing or a proverbial hurricane is on the way? We want to run, get out of there, do damage control and protect ourselves. Little did I know what God had in store for me. Looking back now, it makes me smile and I can honestly say I am so glad there was no way of getting out of those 4 months.
I continued in escape mode for a few weeks. Little by little I felt God nudging me. These nudges felt like He was reminding me that He is in control even in this situation that seemed so overwhelming to me and that I had two choices: I can either go through these 4 months kicking and screaming or I can look to Him for what I need on a moment to moment basis and see what good might come from this adventure. It took me a little bit, but eventually I was able to pry my grip off of the hopes and dreams I had of a "care free summer" and grab hold of the Hand that was reaching out to me.
I was still in the same situation I was before, same struggles but with God I came to a place where I accepted where I was and stopped fighting it (except for the occasional internal tantrum). Things did not get easier, struggles remained, but I felt God reworking me on the inside. I felt Him helping me to let go of things I couldn't control and trusting Him instead. I felt Him teaching me to take responsibility for what was my responsibility. Over time I recommitted to taking care of myself physically with working out and eating healthier. I realized that I didn't need someone to help me make time for me, I needed to make time for what was important to me. I learned to fight for what was important to me. I felt God strengthening me when I felt the most weak. Refining, shaping and growing me in ways I never saw coming.
When we are in a situation that feels as heavy as lead weights placed on our shoulders, it is uncomfortable and like me we often want OUT as fast as possible! For anyone going through something that feels impossible right now, I see you. It is hard. It is really hard. Sometimes it feels unbearably hard. But I want you to know as you are in the midst of your situation, whatever it may be, that although you may feel like you're being buried under the weight, this is not where this part of your story ends. Like a seed that has been hidden for a time, pressed down into the dirt, surrounded by darkness and appearing to be trapped - that is not how it ends. As the seed receives all that it needs from above it begins to change, to grow and eventually it rises again stronger than it ever could have been as a seed. It is now a tree. With God in you and with you and for you there is so much more to this part of your story that He has planned. This is where part of your transformation happens, bringing out in you more of all that you are meant to be. It wont be pretty, it wont be easy, but you can guarantee with God it will be worth it.
You amaze me as you face the hard things. You amaze me as you trust God more and more for all you need. You amaze me as you grow into more of who God made you to be. Seeing you as you come out of the ground strong, new, having endured the dark - I am right there cheering you on! Keep growing friend, keep facing those dark places. With God you can do this!
"You know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4 NIV
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